I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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