Who wears a wallet chain?!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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