I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
