Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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