I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
