RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just gift wrapped bread.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
