I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
