Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
