I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize