FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
