I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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