when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
