I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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