Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
