I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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