So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
