i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
