and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize