I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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