if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
whose parrot is this?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
