hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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