It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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