sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you will always have a special place in my vag
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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