If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The struggles of a small town man whore
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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