those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
