Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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