so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize