you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
