Where did you get a picture of my penis
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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