I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
