I'd wear matching sweaters with you
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
