WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
