so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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