ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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