Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
