everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
