thus making me awesome and them whores
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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