great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
