Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
