best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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