I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize