i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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