you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
