look no pants
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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