We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
