Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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