the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
