We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
