Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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