he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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