take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
