I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize