I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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