Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
