I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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