Screwed.edu
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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