I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
