He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
