Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
