somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize