and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
