I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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