I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
organizing the empties. That sober.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
