They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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