I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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