Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
