We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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