Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
