All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
