it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
