We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
